The Traffic Jam of the Mind

Recall the last time you were stuck in traffic because of roadworks. You’re driving along a dual carriageway when you see the sign: Lane closed ahead.

You already know what happens next.

A long queue forms in one lane while the other, perfectly usable lane sits almost empty. You pull into the queue, because that’s what everyone else is doing. And now, you wait.

The traffic barely moves.

Then, you see them - the drivers who don’t queue up early. The ones who keep using the open lane right up to the point where the lane closes. And as they drive past, something in you tightens.

“Look at them, just skipping the queue!”

Maybe you don’t shout. Maybe you don’t even say anything out loud. But inside, there’s a flicker of irritation - or worse.

And if one of those cars tries to merge in front of you…? Well, they can think again. You inch forward, closing the gap.

They should’ve queued like the rest of us.

But here’s the thing…

You’ve Probably Forgotten This

I don’t know if you remember your driving lessons (it might be something you’ve long forgotten) but the actual correct way to merge in this situation isn’t to get into a single lane half a mile early.

The correct way - the way we were all taught (assuming you had a good instructor) - is to keep using both lanes right up until the point where they merge.

I’m serious. You can look this up on YouTube. Not only is this the proper way to handle the situation, but it’s also the kindest way because it keeps traffic flowing at a steady pace.

But is this how we actually behave?

Nope.

What do we do? We pull into the lane that isn’t closing, way too early. We queue up unnecessarily. And now, we sit in traffic that we helped to create, while the other lane remains empty.

And the best part?

The moment someone drives down that open lane, following the rules correctly, it triggers outrage.

The Illusion of ‘The Problem’

Now, let’s pause for a second. Because this is where it gets interesting.

Most people sitting in that backed-up lane believe the real problem is the drivers using the empty lane. That they are the reason traffic isn’t moving. And the traffic not moving is what is causing us to be upset. Ergo they must be the cause of our discomfort.

But that’s not true.

The only reason traffic is at a standstill is because people merged too early, blocking the flow. The drivers using both lanes properly are the only ones keeping things moving.

And yet, they’re the ones who get all the blame.

Sound familiar?

(Incidentally, this frustration works both ways - those in the open lane feel it too when they can’t merge.)

How We Do This Everywhere in Life

This isn’t just about traffic. This is how we create frustration in our own lives, without even realising it.

We think the problem is out there - that our stress, irritation, or suffering is being caused by something external.

But more often than not, we’ve actually set ourselves up to feel this way.

We make choices without realising it. We queue up too soon. We resist the natural flow of things. We unknowingly back ourselves into frustration, and then look outside for something (or someone) to blame.

And when we see others moving freely - doing the very thing that would help us, too - we double down on our own discomfort.

What Happens When You See It Differently?

Now, here’s the shift.

When you realise the frustration isn’t coming from them, but from how you’re seeing the situation, everything changes.

It doesn’t mean you have to start using the open lane. You can still choose to queue early if that’s what feels right for you.

But now, you won’t feel the sting when someone else drives past.

And when it’s your turn to let someone merge? You’ll just let them in, and carry on with your day.

No frustration. No tension. No suffering.

Just flow.

The Choice is Always Yours

How often do we create our own standstill traffic - trapping ourselves in frustration without even realising it?

And what happens when we stop looking for someone to blame and start seeing where we’ve been part of the gridlock all along?

That’s where the real freedom is.

And if you want to explore this shift in your own life, let’s chat.